The Key Obligations of Parenting

Let's take a minute to clearly define the parent's and child's responsibilities in this relationship. In the past, children were to be seen and not heard, and parents ruled with an iron fist. In recent years, it seems that tables have turned and children are in charge...families schedule around their activities, dole out the expensive gifts, let the children "express themselves" often quite rudely in public places.

Somewhere between these two extremes lies a happier balance. Parents have is to provide structure and rules for for their children. Here are some easy ideas to build, implement and manage that structure:

Children's Repsonsibilities
Children need to understand their responsibilities. Setting up a simple responsibility chart is a good way to start. Practically speaking, in my house, these charts last about a week, but that is usually long enough to teach the lesson.

Simply agree on a few simple tasks that are at the child's level: e.g., picking up toys and going to the bathroom for toddlers and give a sticker for every day that the child succeeds at meeting their responsibilities.

House Rules
Creating and posting a set of mutually agreed house rules is another great idea. Yes, mutually agreed! Children will be more interested in following rules that they feel they have a stake in. Ownership over the rules drafting and rules enforcement stages will also help. My kids LOVE telling me when I've left shoes in the living room or eaten food on the sofa. Setting up a simple "rewards" and "penalty" system can help too. It could be quarters toward a family goal like a trip to the movies. Good behavior = quarters in, not following the rules = quarters out.

Here are some of the house rules we recently drafted together as a family to get your creative juices flowing:

Clean up after yourself
No whining! No talking back!
Don't eat anywhere but the dining table
Do your best in school
Be excellent to each other (shamelessly stolen from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, but they are too young to realize)
Take care of your things
Eat at least a bite of each food that is served
Wait your turn to talk
Don't ask for everything you see on TV

House Schedule
Things should be done in basically the same order everyday. Kids thrive on predictability. If they are thrown from task to task without a pattern, they get cranky and disoriented. I've found that posting a chart or creating a simple picture book with the daily activities for morning and evening allows even the youngest children to understand, respect and follow along with the routine. Sometimes things need to be shifted for better "flow" of the day. But here is our morning and evening routines for you to adapt for your own purposes:
Morning Schedule

6:30 Wake Up
Use the bathroom
Clear the table
Get dressed
Put pajamas in the laundry
Brush teeth
Assemble things for school (backpack, lunch, snack money, musical instrument, sports equipment, projects, etc.)
7:50 Go to School

Evening Schedule

5:00 Return from after school program
Finish homework
Set the table for dinner
Eat dinner
Clear the table
Take a bath or shower
Dirty clothes in the hamper
Get into pajamas
Brush teeth
Relax, read, dance party or finish homework
8:00 bedtime

Parents have a supreme responsibility to set limits, teach values and provide guidance on behavior. Parents that choose not to do these things are abandoning their child and neglecting their duties as a parent. Even if children complain and don't appreciate it at the time, they will realize that their parents set rules and enforce them this because they love their children. This realization will eventually hit them down the road, if not at the moment.

I hope these simple ideas will help you reinforce a sense of responsibility in yourself and your children. Enjoy!

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